Friendship

I always idealised friendship. Friendship is SUPPOSED to be like ... 2 friends ... sticking together everyday ... not just tt ... they understand each other, trust each other, help each other, really ... consider her/him as a part of ur life / family.
But I've nv gotten 1 true friend, what i would call, like this ... okay ...maybe good friends but not really besties ...
From ZSS, to SCEX, to HSHL, to OSL, and then now... EWYL...
The one that I've tolerated the most ... ppl who noe me would noe...it's EWYL. I think I changed a lot after my conflict with OSL ended... we weren't exactly back to normal but now we r alright... but the friend that tolerated me the most would be her as well. She always waited for me for everything ... helped me, tolerated my selfishness which I truely regret for not cherishing now. But there is no point in saying this... I could feel she changed too... she became more protective of her secrets... last time she wasn't like this... she was particularly a WONDERFUL friend I would call.
I would say the one I really trusted was H. She had really similar life as me ... which we both can talk abt ... but she really hurt me tt time ... when she sms-ed me abt her reluctance to be my friend any longer... I was really disappointed then...
Now to think of it... all the past friends are still my good friends ... but just don't share secrets.
I had always thought it was my fault... since there can't be fault in every one.. but IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP.
Now E. I told her most secrets. Now she really disappoint me. I expected this day eventually. Some how unconsciouly probably.

When ppl disappoint me nowadays...I dont cry... immuned.

Now on good terms with a few other friends. Really hope that I wont screw up...but I really feel and can be sure tt E and H are not my fault. OKAY... AT LEAST MOST
OSL...really regreted lah. But now... I dont know. When she wrote E a letter. I felt like she was a traitor. AREN'T WE THE VICTIMS?
NVM... anyway. Things are over and done with. TMR IS ANOTHER DAY. You can't live without all these spices which add flavors to ur life... just hope tt it is not too much to numb ur tongue :)